I'm Rush Limbaugh & I Don't Care

First of all, thanks to each and every one of you for the kind thoughts and vibes and prayers over the last few weeks. It seems to have worked because the Good Lord allowed me to stay ridiculously wasted on some high powered pain medication for the last week.

Second of all, despite all of my best efforts, this post is going to be full of all sorts of errors because I am still wasted on ridiculously expensive high powered pain medications that regularly makes me forget to put my peter back inside my pants after I pee.

Oh hell, who am I kidding, with these pills, I forget to take my peter out before I pee. It's okay though, the nurses were kind of enough to tuck it back in for me. My wife, on the other hand, just laughs at it so suffice it to say, my peter will be going un-tucked for the immediate future.

Anyway, I am home. My kidney is in some research jar at the hospital and is probably still smoking, drinking Gin, and trying to cop a feel from some hot young research tech at the lab. Yeah kidney, good luck. I got the hands with me. Fucker.

I need to do a post about my hospital roommate, but I need a nap first. It's hard to rest up after surgery while you are still in the hospital. People wake you up every five minutes to try to stick something up your butt or in your mouth.

No matter how many times I look at that sentence, it just doesn't look right.

My pain reduction regime went something like this:

Morphine IV with my own personal push button (pushable every 6 minutes).
Downside: Itched like a mother fucker.

Diezocine IV with my own personal push button (Auto delivery every 20 minutes with one 50% boost every hour. Delivered through a spinal block IV.
Downside: Itched like a mother fucker. IV in my back.

Oxycodone: 10 milligrams every 4 hours.
Downside: I've become a repudlicker.

For what it is worth, one hour from the time I publish this post, I will be six hours short of 1 full week without a cigarette. I'm done.

What's the first thing I noticed after almost 7 days without a smoke?

Smokers smell funny.

Seriously, I just want to wrap them up in paper and set their feet on fire and smoke them all up.

I'll get around to all of you later tonight or tomorrow. Moving kind of slow. Besides, I need to go hang out with Rush. We're going to talk about family values and do some Oxy and go hang out with some white chicks with big boobs and even bigger hair.